How I spent my July 4th

July 4th was a fun day, I guess. it was mostly a family function, as we went to church and then did a great dinner with a barbeque. After that we went to dairy queen for frosted treats and then went out to see the fireworks.

Ok, I'm lying, my mom insisted on seeing Twlight (Full Moon). My critical opinion, as a non-pre-adolsecent-hormonally-driven-shrieking-middle-school-girl outsider perspective would allow. My dad fell asleep after the first kiss scene (one of quite a few). The lines were quite bad, and overall, the plot black-holes were so blatantly obvious that even logic and common sense were lost in the gravitational pull of Edward's beautiful porcelain face and Jacobs Bod. The love triangle in the movie is probably the worst-choreographed movie relationship since GI Joe. (my fiance is plotting to destroy the world with corrosive nanobacteria but she's brainwashed omgomgomg)

I don't want to give it all away, but consider reading some of my comments on the movie after meditating on this image below.

Sample lines:

"Father: What's going on here?

Jacob: Oh, I kissed her, and she broke her hand punching my face. It was all a misunderstanding.

Father: Oh."

"Jacob: I know you love me."

"Jacob: I know you're in love with me."

"Edward: Will you marry me?"

"Edward: Will you marry me?"

"Edward: Will you marry me?"

"Edward: Will you be my wife?"

"Red-haired woman to her cohort: I have always loved you."

"Jacob: We're perfect for each other. Being with me would be as easy as breathing."

And there is also a scene where the girl decides to hide from a group of vampire stalkers via choosing the coldest peak of the pacific northwest and not being able to retain her body heat while the cold-blooded edward looks on. finally, jacob decides to make his entrance and conveniently cuddle with her as Edward can only look on. Then the two proceed to have a heart to heart while the girl pretends to sleep in his arms.

And the whole thing about Jacob being shirtless all the time? Tell me this isn't a PAHDSMSG (pre-adolsecent-hormonally-driven-shrieking-middle-school-girl) flick. Don't ever think it's anything else.

and I just don't get why vampires effing GLITTER when sunlight hits them. or why werewolves don't need a full moon to transform. or why vampire bite's leave no trace of blood. or why all werewolves look like abercrombie/american eagle models and vampires all look like they model for express and the banana republic. PAHDSMSG all the way.

I WASTED 2 HOURS OF MY LIFE LOOKING AT THIS MAN!

"Oh no it's sunlight! I could never get rid of that glitter from that kindergarten accident from years ago..."